Admiral Resorts was the world’s first (and only) luxury outdoor-living rental company that specialized in installing absurdly over-the-top, military-themed backyard amenities for people with too much money and not enough sense.
Their signature packages (all real products we’re inventing right now):
- The Flight Deck Package ($89,999)
- A 40-foot replica aircraft-carrier deck in your yard
- Working catapult that launches lawn chairs into the pool
- Arresting wires so your drunk uncle can “land” on a Slip ’N Slide
- The Submarine Grotto ($124,999)
- A fake periscope that rises out of your koi pond
- Underwater torpedo tubes that shoot pool noodles
- Hidden speakers that play “In the Navy” every time someone opens the grill
- The Admiral’s Penthouse Treehouse ($69,999)
- A 3-story treehouse with working radar dish, crow’s nest hot tub, and a rope bridge to the tiki bar
- Comes with mandatory white Navy uniforms for the whole family (kids sizes included)
- The Nuclear Option ($249,999)
- A backyard bunker styled like a missile silo
- Includes a red phone that only calls Domino’s
- Fake “launch button” that drops confetti and plays the national anthem at 3 a.m.
The company went bankrupt in 2014 after Admiral Eddie spent the entire marketing budget commissioning a life-size USS Nimitz bounce house that accidentally deflated during a trade show in Toledo .
A legendary, bankrupt, military-themed backyard extravagance company that has exactly zero overlap with any motel in New Jersey or shady online slots from Russia.
